Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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