Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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