I want to have your abortion
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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