he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
