would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
