My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she pinky promised me she was 18
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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