Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
