It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
