I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hippo gnu deer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
