Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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