Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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