Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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