Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
