He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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