Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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