chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
