you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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