just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
