I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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