Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
