mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
