your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
