the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
