Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
