3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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