Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
