Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
