Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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