Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
