I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
