p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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