i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
