There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
