you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
