Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
