Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
