Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
