I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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