I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
