Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
