So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
