My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
