zippers are such a cool invention
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
