Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
