It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
