I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
