When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
