last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
