I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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