Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
