just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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