I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
