It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
