i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
