Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
