Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
