Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
