dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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