Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
